Since I don't have a full time job at the moment, I have plenty of time to think about everything and anything. It's awesome and a pain at the same time.
If you really know me you know that I am a worry wart. I stress over little things and I am not all that patient (Right, Kaye? hahahaha!!) I don't like not knowing. Period. I like knowing what's ahead, where I am going. I don't like surprises being thrown at me out of the blue. Most of the time, those surprises aren't compatible with my schedule or goals in life. Go figure...
Our time in Hawaii is almost at an end. Our biggest question is: where are we going to live next? We could end up staying here, Texas, Georgia, or Washington D.C. This all depends on job offers for Ross.
I am torn. I REALLY wanted to move to Texas. I have an account on Zillow and about 12 houses saved on there! Hahaha, I have one that I love. But the more I think about it, the more I would really like to stay. I do love the weather. I love the climate. I have some pretty close friends here (Stephanie Lynn, you just need to move here woman!!!) and I would really love to teach at Mauka again. I love that school. I love the mountains here. I love taking Jax to the dog beach. I do like occasionally going to the beach to lay out. I think it would be an easier move for us as well. Moving to another place would be craziness because we would be homeless until we find a place. That may take months. That means months of living in a hotel and not having our hhg.
But then I miss being close to my family and friends back home. I miss out on family reunions, seeing my niece grow up (and not being able to teach her how to annoy her mother :D), and cheaper cost of living. That's all my pros that I can think of right now... staying has more, but they being away from my family and friends back home is just tough. I know it's part of growing up and venturing out. Hawaii is really far out, though!
Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would be living here. Never. I am thankful for the opportunity. I do really enjoy living here. I am ready to move back to the mainland but also stay and enjoy this place. Bah... I just need to know NOW!!!! Hopefully we will know soon. Then I get really stress out over the move.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Not the Biggest Loser I Would Like to Be
Meh.
Just Meh.
Going into my Senior year of high school. I was about 170 lbs, size 13 pants, large to extra large tops (thank you tah-tahs! NOT! hahaha). At the end of my junior year I was 200-205 lbs, size 18 pants, barely fitting into a extra large tops. I had dropped a lot of weight in just three months. I walked every day. Ate less. No biggie. I really didn't have to work too hard to lose weight.
Now. I am A LOT more. WAY bigger size in pants and tops. I am not comfortable yet at sharing how much I weigh. It's embarrassing and I can't believe I let myself get this fat. Yes. I am fat. No denying it. Please don't tell "Oh, no you're not" because I know you're a lying bag of poo! Once morning, I rolled out of bed (literally) and saw my reflection in my jewelry mirror that just so happens to be positioned in my line of sight right when I get out of bed. I was absolutely disgusted at what I saw. My gut rolls and flabby arms and thighs. My chunky face. It was repulsive. Right then, I knew I had to do something.
A guess some background info might be in order. I have hypothyroidism, multi-nodular goiter (google it!), polycystic ovarian syndrome (google that, too) and I go back and forth with a vitamin D deficiency. BASICALLY I have have no metabolism because my thyroid is working over time to to try and function at all! I have to take meds every day to help regulate. I have no energy. Side effects for all are obesity.
This is the only time I will probably admit this, but I should have listened to my mom when she said I needed to get my birth control taken out. MOTHER I WILL NOT REPEAT THAT EVER AGAIN!! ;) Hahahaha!!! After talking with the hubs, we decided to take it out and if I get pregnant, then so be it. This was a huge decision for the both of us. We bother don't know how we exactly feel about having kids. But, we both knew that doing so might help me.
Not gonna lie, it did! I have a wee bit more energy to do things and more motivation than ever. I have stuck with a pretty healthy diet. I do have sweets every once and a while. I still have my sugar addiction, but I have been pretty awesome at ignoring my sweet cravings. Though, I was a bit backed up and excessive amounts of sugar help me go and I had a lot of powder sugar donuts one day, didn't help, but I lost weight that day. I am trying to convince Ross that sweets will help me lose weight; he's not buying it. Darn!
Weight has always been a struggle with me. I have struggled with my weight since about fifth grade. Donuts became the love of my life then. I ate sweets whenever possible! I believe that's when my addiction kicked in. Hmmm... donuts... long johns... with creme filling... Hahaha! Good things they don't have those here!
My large body mass has effected me and relationship with people, especially Ross. I won't go into it all because, truthfully, it's really none of your business, but I know it will help me and our relationship if I lose the extra lard! My goal weight is 150 lbs. I want to be able to get out of the plus size clothing. It's so hard to find in style clothing when you are huge.
I am sometimes discouraged by this slow process. I know it's better to lose a little than a lot at a time, but I am a very impatient person! I will not give up. I will keep at it. I am more determined than ever!
Just Meh.
Going into my Senior year of high school. I was about 170 lbs, size 13 pants, large to extra large tops (thank you tah-tahs! NOT! hahaha). At the end of my junior year I was 200-205 lbs, size 18 pants, barely fitting into a extra large tops. I had dropped a lot of weight in just three months. I walked every day. Ate less. No biggie. I really didn't have to work too hard to lose weight.
Now. I am A LOT more. WAY bigger size in pants and tops. I am not comfortable yet at sharing how much I weigh. It's embarrassing and I can't believe I let myself get this fat. Yes. I am fat. No denying it. Please don't tell "Oh, no you're not" because I know you're a lying bag of poo! Once morning, I rolled out of bed (literally) and saw my reflection in my jewelry mirror that just so happens to be positioned in my line of sight right when I get out of bed. I was absolutely disgusted at what I saw. My gut rolls and flabby arms and thighs. My chunky face. It was repulsive. Right then, I knew I had to do something.
A guess some background info might be in order. I have hypothyroidism, multi-nodular goiter (google it!), polycystic ovarian syndrome (google that, too) and I go back and forth with a vitamin D deficiency. BASICALLY I have have no metabolism because my thyroid is working over time to to try and function at all! I have to take meds every day to help regulate. I have no energy. Side effects for all are obesity.
This is the only time I will probably admit this, but I should have listened to my mom when she said I needed to get my birth control taken out. MOTHER I WILL NOT REPEAT THAT EVER AGAIN!! ;) Hahahaha!!! After talking with the hubs, we decided to take it out and if I get pregnant, then so be it. This was a huge decision for the both of us. We bother don't know how we exactly feel about having kids. But, we both knew that doing so might help me.
Not gonna lie, it did! I have a wee bit more energy to do things and more motivation than ever. I have stuck with a pretty healthy diet. I do have sweets every once and a while. I still have my sugar addiction, but I have been pretty awesome at ignoring my sweet cravings. Though, I was a bit backed up and excessive amounts of sugar help me go and I had a lot of powder sugar donuts one day, didn't help, but I lost weight that day. I am trying to convince Ross that sweets will help me lose weight; he's not buying it. Darn!
Weight has always been a struggle with me. I have struggled with my weight since about fifth grade. Donuts became the love of my life then. I ate sweets whenever possible! I believe that's when my addiction kicked in. Hmmm... donuts... long johns... with creme filling... Hahaha! Good things they don't have those here!
My large body mass has effected me and relationship with people, especially Ross. I won't go into it all because, truthfully, it's really none of your business, but I know it will help me and our relationship if I lose the extra lard! My goal weight is 150 lbs. I want to be able to get out of the plus size clothing. It's so hard to find in style clothing when you are huge.
I am sometimes discouraged by this slow process. I know it's better to lose a little than a lot at a time, but I am a very impatient person! I will not give up. I will keep at it. I am more determined than ever!
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